Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
