in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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