don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
