yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
