I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
