I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you will always have a special place in my vag
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
