You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
