This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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