I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
