In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
