I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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