She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
