Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
