I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
