I look better un-naked...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
