I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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