He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
