watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
