Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
