Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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