we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
