True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
