I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
