i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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