We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
