Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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