dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
