you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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