Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
