My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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