I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
birth control should be required to get into college
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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