i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
