What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
