Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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