So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
