The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize