She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
