so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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