He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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