Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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