i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
