Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize