You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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