So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
