we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
