Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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