Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
