So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
