My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
