Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
