I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
