Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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