On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
