Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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