I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
