whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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