I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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