nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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