I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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