just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
