you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize