You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
