But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
