I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
