Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
