Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize