Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
