I am in a vortex of obligation.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
