chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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