You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize