Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize