She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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