No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
