literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
