Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
