Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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