Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
