Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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