she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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