remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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