When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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