your parents love me but you hate me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
