Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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