dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize