and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
