Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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