We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
