porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
