look no pants
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize