thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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