I wanna bring you to show and tell
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
