hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So much Jack, so little girl.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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