So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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